Friday, May 27, 2011

My shortcomings, and other things

If you missed it earlier this week, visit my photo print giveaway and join in!

I do this really stupid thing. I'll mean to do something -- weekly "Species a Day" write-ups, to pick a not-random-at-all example -- and I'll succeed. I get proud of my success. It doesn't matter how important or lofty my original goal was; I have committed to do something and I've done it. I'm Dependable™ and Consistent™, and I begin to tie up a certain amount of my identity in having succeeded at my pathetic task. This is where I go wrong.

Because inevitably, life happens. I get a teensy tiny bit behind. At first I'll be fine; I'll make it part of my thing: "Post coming soon; fifty kids at my house right now." "Post coming soon for real now, as soon as I appease my editor." "Post coming for really-real, I promise. Please don't hate me."

But after a while that seems worse than just not saying anything, so I stop. By now, I feel bad that I haven't done The Thing to be Done immediately following my first apology, and that becomes part of my identity. I should just do it and be done with it, but now I actively avoid doing it for fear of disappointing myself with the results. (All this buildup for a regular lackluster post? myself says. And you weren't even funny this time.) (I'm kind of a jerk to myself.)

I've come to realize that I can't depend on myself. I'm so neurotic about satisfying my own self-imposed decrees that I end up failing entirely.

However, I'm pretty darn good at satisfying other people. I promised you a species a day, and I'm still going at Day 88 (and yes, I do count posting at 1 a.m. as "making" the deadline for the day that just passed). Promising something to others makes me get it done. (Yes. It did take me 31 years to work out a clich├ęd shortcut to motivation that you can find in any checkout-counter magazine on weight loss.) So in addition to my explicit species-a-day photo-posting promise, once I'm caught up (I'll post in week chunks), I henceforth promise weekly posts, with extra pictures when I have 'em and not-too-rambly writeups. That's right. No one can make with the self-serving, overly dramatic, mundane promises like me. That's why you come, right?

Week 8 coming by lunchtime, barring an apocalypse. Or if my husband wants to watch Fringe. But probably by lunchtime.

In the meantime, enjoy two videos I've been sent this week. If you like spiders, you'll absolutely love the first one. Mesmerizing. If you don't like spiders -- well, you'll probably hate it, but watch it anyway. It's freaking awesome. The second one should tickle all my photog friends. Yes, I do take it pretty much that seriously.

Loom from Polynoid on Vimeo.

Also! If you're local, and you go to Phoenix Comicon, you absolutely have to tell me about it, so I can vicariously experience it through you. Leonard Nimoy, George Takei, Wil Wheaton, Stan freaking Lee ... it's probably a good thing I can't go. I don't know if I could handle it.


Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

Why did I never know that there was a Comicon in Phoenix??? Why why why? I would have been there every year if I'd known... Thank you for opening my eyes! Trying to convince the hubby we should go. :)

I'd say that you shouldn't worry about getting blog posts out according to your self-imposed schedule, but I know that I freak out about it all the time myself. So many Sunday nights involve my frantically running around snapping photos and writing furiously, trying to finish before midnight. Recently I haven't been making my midnight deadline, but I've also started caring less about it. After all, most people don't read my new posts until at least 6AM if not the following day, so why worry so much? It's actually a bit of a relief to know other people feel this way too!

Christina Wilsdon said... Best Blogger Tips

Leonard Nimoy???? Be still, my heart.

I can't speak for your other readers, but I know that when the blogs I check out have an update, I just feel gratified, like I've gotten a present, and don't resent the days/weeks there aren't any.

But then again on my own blog, I've weaseled out of any responsibility by never committing to any sort of regularity or species-a-day agenda (Sloth is my deadly sin--two- or three-toed, I'm not sure which; I guess it is fitting that my next blog is about snails, I can claim my slowness is all part of the theme...hey, it's performance art! Maybe I can get a grant, even!!).

monstergirlee said... Best Blogger Tips

I loved both those vids.

And I have yet to notice your shortcomings, so don't sweat the small stuff.
I appreciate each and every post you do, so there.

Leslie F. Miller said... Best Blogger Tips

You are AMAZING.