Friday, May 1, 2009

Marital, um, bliss?

You scrub three toilets, scour and spit-shine four sinks, wash a mountain of seemingly self-replicating dishes, wash four loads of laundry, spend half an hour cleaning a mysterious carpet stain you suspect is somebody's/something's vomit, do the morning's work on the computer, slave-drive a seven-year-old through a homework packet, sweep and wash the floors, put away the groceries and begin (albeit half-assedly) to clean the garage. Your spouse vacuums the living room and puts away the dishes. Do you:

A: Say "Thanks, honey. That really makes it look a lot better. I know you usually take care of most of the out-of-home business, so I really appreciate your help around the house. Why doncha, um, follow me upstairs?" (Wink, wink.)


B: Say "Sure! Just finish the stuff I started! I've been working my ASS off all freaking MORNING, and you just come in and do the polish-it-off chore and then act like you've done as much as me! Did you even notice what I did? And what the freaking HELL are the spoons doing in the butter knife slot?! Oh my GOD! Did you ever do those shape-sorting things when you were a baby, or did you miss that year? No sex for a year!"

I seriously hope, for the sake of husbands everywhere, that most women are better wives than I.

And men? Slots shaped like butter knives accomodate butter knives. And anything else your wife tells you? It's true. Just go with it. But like you freaking mean it.

(Sorry, baby.)

I feel better now.

(Wink, wink.)


heather said... Best Blogger Tips

After 18 years of marriage....say something close to the first choice while thinking the or muttering under your breath the 2and choice. Unless it's that special time of the month and you just have to let it out.

Colleen Hosey said... Best Blogger Tips

HA! I just did that with Mike and we're not even married yet. I started loads of his laundry because I got tired of coming over and having it mountained everywhere and while in the laundry room I was scooping 3 days (he says 2) worth of cat litter from 5 cats that he neglected and let the litter pile up all around the floor too. As I'm cleaning it and sweeping the floor he walks into the already too small laundry room with the vacuum to say he'll clean it. A little too late now and I chose answer B in that case... He laughed at your blog as well.

Ryan Barlow said... Best Blogger Tips

This gave me a good laugh! I'll have to show this to my wife. I know she'll appreciate it too.