Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Things I'll never understand

In no particular order:

How a six-year-old and a diabetic have consumed most of the cookies I baked less than two days ago.

The irrational, unfounded fear some folks have.

The appeal of crocs.

My own inability to shut up when it's prudent.

Faith. I think anyone who claims to fully understand it is mistaken or not being truthful.

The extent of the total wonderfulness and awesomeness of my kid.

How, exactly, a car works.

Why we seem to be fine with the rising price of any number of things, but will drive out of our way to save two cents a gallon on gas.

The inverse relationship between the popularity of a meme and its coolness.

How people can say arts in the schools are a waste of time.

Why my husband puts up with me. Especially when I tell him things like "I totally promise I'll have the laundry done and ready before your super-excruciating long shift at work tomorrow," get mad if he doesn't totally believe me, and then present him with second-stringer boxers and a slightly wrinkled work shirt for work the next day.

Ginormous aviator-style sunglasses.

How I manage to utter phrases like "What did I say about butts?" "Your penis is fine," and "If you lick that, I'm going to be really mad!" while keeping a straight face.

Why the heck people insist on saying "an historic," as in "This has been an historic election." Do we say "an Hawaiian" or "an hotel?"

How my mom single-handedly raised three teenagers.

Why my husband insists on putting empty soda cans back in the refrigerator. (And how I manage to refrain from harming him when my morning caffeine fix is repeatedly thwarted.)

Why nobody within earshot the other day congratulated me on my cleverness for my usage of the phrase "Barack me Obamadeus."

Child abuse.

Why the cat treats every time I go to the bathroom like an urgent, special social occasion between the two of us.

Why an entire forest had to be paperized just so we could try to buy a house.

Many of the things I act like I understand.


Mary said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh my. I absolutely did not hear you say "Barack me Obamadeus." I know because if I had heard that I would have laughed hysterically. Good job!

Brother Numpsie said... Best Blogger Tips

You said "ginormous". I'm almost ashamed to admit that I know you now. :P

heather said... Best Blogger Tips

I think I heard your father and grandfather laughing over the pun.

I on the otherhand, rolled my eyes and groaned. Glad to see the next generation is carrying that tradition on....NOT!

Kim Hosey said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you Mary, I thought it was clever, at any rate!

Ah, Josh, but it's different. I consciously flout language conventions. I'm knowledgeable enough about words to break rules when I feel like it. (I'm modest too; can't you tell?)

Ha Heather; you're probably right. I remember my dad threw a penny a crack in the sidewalk more than a few times, saying he liked to be "generous to a fault." Or fake-insulting me if I said "put me down." I'm not sure if it's a credit to me or against me that I found these turns of phrase terribly clever -- and still do.