Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Kiss my Aspartame

Dear (name withheld),

I received the following message from you the other day (I've omitted your name from the screen capture to protect the gullible, and the answer, gasp, Hitler, because, well, the scrolling-way-down-for-the-obvious-answer thing annoyed me enough one time):

Really? I mean, really? You do realize that I could make up a list of commonalities for you, or me, or anyone and imply you or I MUST be like Hitler, right? Or that I could make up a list and compare just about anyone to Hitler, or Jesus, or Ghandi or President Bush or Justin Timberlake or just about freaking ANYONE ELSE?

I love you, and I'm totally happy to get real e-mails from you. In fact, I get so many solicitations to write about stuff in which I have no interest, or e-mails asking where the hell is the article I SAID I'd write, that it's a welcome breath of fresh air to read your notes. But your spam? It's gotta stop. Most of these have been debunked a LONG time ago, and I know you're kind of new to the online-socializing thing, but let me just say: Spam = bad form. It doesn't make it better if the spam is morality themed or religion themed.

Also, in a bold, uncharacteristic move, I henceforth swear to write mainly on my stated areas of interest and semi-expertise; namely nature, parenting, and a dash each of humor and science. I hereby (well, after this post) leave political-ness mostly to others. (Unless you visit, whereupon you'll get your fill.) But I almost entirely give up e-mailing, blogging and Facebook-statusing about such things. Even to correct you. So please know that I'm not ignoring you, even when I am.

Also, in case you were wondering:

  • Sadly, there is no food giveaway at Panda Express tomorrow. Thanks a lot for getting my hopes up, though.
  • The book of Revelation does not contain a description of "the anti-Christ," nor is there anywhere a description of someone matching Obama's description. Doesn't it seem a little suspect that every time some new and different person comes on the scene, either Revelation or Nostradamus is found to have condemned him and described him in eerie detail?
  • Aspartame was not developed as ant poison. Nor is or was it responsible for an epidemic of cancer or multiple sclerosis. This was debunked a pretty long time ago, sweetie.
  • Diamond Rio's "In God We Still Trust" wasn't played because it wasn't released as a single for a long time. If anti-Christian sentiment was responsible, would we be hearing even half the songs we currently hear on country stations?
  • I am not offended that products come with multiple-language instructions, that I have to press 1 for English, or that English-language teachers are employed. I think these things are good ideas, and have to question the logic of anyone who objects to classes that teach English as a second language but carries "Learn the %$#@ Language" signs. Can you automatically download a foreign language to your brain?
  • I am totally against persecuting Christianity. However, I don't think any such persecution is taking place in some large-scale way. There are no insidious plans to make coins omitting the phrase "In God We Trust." There is no overt war on Christmas. The ACLU actually has defended Christmas displays. Some stores will start saying "Merry Christmas" soon, others will say "Happy Holidays," others will just render friendly service without season's greetings, and some will remain as customer-unfriendly as ever. There is no Satanic or religion- or God-hating conspiracy in schools, grocery stores, post offices, or anywhere else. Nor are Arrowhead, Folgers, Procter & Gamble or any other company paying a "secret tax" to anyone.
  • If I receive any e-mail entitled "Agree or Delete," I will delete.

I think there are some folks who are pompous, intolerant, immoral, or who have an over-inflated sense of entitlement. I also think there are some people who are too quick to judge, who are hypocritical, or who are entirely too gullible and credulous. Unfortunately, all of us are these things a small portion of the time. Fortunately, most of us are not, most of the time. I do not think these e-mails help matters, in any case.

Besides, if I'm going to waste time doing not-work, I'm heading over to Facebook. There, I can update my status with my OWN crazy beliefs and opinions, hundreds of times a day!

Say hi to (name of mutual friend/family member withheld) for me,



Mary said... Best Blogger Tips

I LOVE this post. Be warned. I'm about to post the exact same sentence on the one above it, but for different reasons. Seriously though. I have a cousin who emails me these things constantly. I now delete every single message from him b/c he never even writes to say like "hi how are you?" It's always some insane forward about conspiracy theories or an offensive joke about Muslims. I'm afraid he has mixed up patriotism and bigotry, and I can't bring myself to read that mess.

Kevin J. Hosey said... Best Blogger Tips

Darn good post, Kim. I may have to link to you again.

Kim Hosey said... Best Blogger Tips

Mary: "I'm afraid he has mixed up patriotism and bigotry..." I may have to steal that. And yeah. It's just bad taste. I mean, I know people have differing opinions and all that; that's fine. But willful ignorance and wanton, gratuitous offensiveness get to me.

Kevin: Thanks! And thanks as always for the link.

Leslie F. Miller said... Best Blogger Tips

Who who who?

Also, aspartame is fucking evil; I don't care if it's been debunked. I drink something with it and get an INSTANT ophthalmic migraine.

Kim Hosey said... Best Blogger Tips

@Leslie: Ha; I'll leave that off the blog, at least. I've already had to have Big-C Conversations owing to blog revelations before. Heaven help me if I ever write something even close to a memoir.

Suffice it to say it's no one you know, and if you did, you probably wouldn't be surprised.

Aspartame treats me well, but bananas seriously, seriously hate me. I guess we've all got our stuff.

Hotash said... Best Blogger Tips
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hotash said... Best Blogger Tips

I decided along time ago to "delete" but never put it out there so eloquently....

kirsten said... Best Blogger Tips

i agree, i agree, i agree!

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

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Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

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