Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Nope. Still won't repost.

Not Arizona/nature related. (Check out my Species a Day posts to tide you over on nature and photo goodness, or try some of my recent posts.) If you're offended by me mocking ideology, religion, or stupidity, you probably shouldn't read this. I probably shouldn't even post it. Oh well. You've been warned.

If you're my Facebook friend and/or have had the misfortune of listening to me rant in person, you know I'm not a fan of spammy "Repost this" status updates. Still, they continue. I'm friends with smart, independent, reasonable people, and still the ridiculousness pollutes my feed. Maybe there's some dumb-ifying effect on Facebook to which some of us are immune?

So, to clarify: If you post one of the following things on Facebook, I'm starting to get ocular strain from rolling my eyes. I shall send you my optometrist bill if you don't cut it out.

Senioritis

You know the "Good Ol' Days" weren't, right? Not particularly good, in many respects, and not even that old, in the grand scheme of things. I'm totally sympathetic about nostalgia, seriously. Believe it or not, I experience it as well. However, I don't get all huffy about bringing back chicken pox and Atari because that's what happened to be around when I was 8. And you know your parents probably did the exact same thing, right? Only your stuff was the young/stupid/America-killing stuff? Get over it.

You're right about lard-fried stuff, though.

My Quote-Unquote "Inspirational" Friends


Yeah, you're a fount of individualistic, inspirational wisdom, alright. SO individual and startlingly inspirational that you use a cartoon face someone else made, and your stream is 96 percent "inspirational" quotes, and 4 percent wondering why more people aren't as bubble-gum-happy as you. Also? You're not reaching for the moon, or the stars, or even the door. You're sitting on your couch, copying and pasting silly crap like this. Get outside. Have an opinion of your own.

You can totally quote Douglas Adams or songs I like, though. Those don't count.

But I'm sad for a CAUSE!


Sigh. Yes; you're totally right. I'm obviously neglecting to repost your whiny diatribe or join the 4,587,123rd group against child abuse because I'm actually for it. Please. Slactivism sucks, you guys. You know what? Usually, I'm too busy in my own shit to actually do something about any number of causes that I really do care about. Sometimes it's not my fault, but sometimes I'm just lazy, or overwhelmed, or whatever. AND THE SAME GOES FOR YOU. You're not allaying any actual guilt by reposting this junk. You're just making yourself feel better. And I don't feel bad for saying so when passive-aggressive posts like this imply I care less about a cause because I won't "like" a syntax-free, cheesy status update.

Holier than thou (and thou, and thou, and thou too)


OK. Now, I'm probably treading on dangerous ground here, but you made me do it. Please. Religion is personal, and subjective, and open to interpretation. I love talking about it, really. I really do respect your right to believe whatever moves you. But if you ask me not to question, if you ask me not to be curious, and if you really imply that my family and I are somehow evil for not believing in your cultural myths ... well, then screw you.

I love my kids more than you


Um. No. No, you don't. NO ONE thinks about his or her kids EVERY SECOND of the day. If you do, I'm sorry, but I think that probably makes you a tad less good of a parent. My son is 90 percent of my world. But I have a 10 percent, and I share it with him, but it's mine, and he has his, and it makes us better people.

Also, of course you care about your kids that much. But no one else thinks they're perfect. Guess what? They're not. Neither is mine. Makes life interesting.

Also, um, barf.

Motherf**king AMERICAN!!



Why does acting like a bully somehow make one more American? Why does acting like stupidity is something to be embraced make one more patriotic? What's wrong with being elite or progressive?

My answers are it doesn't, it doesn't, and nothing. And I read your update, loudly and incredulously, at my my husband and proceed to mock it every time.

Huh. On second though, maybe keep posting those. They're really freaking entertaining.

17 comments:

Nathaniel W said... Best Blogger Tips

Word.

Mary said... Best Blogger Tips

oh my. You are freakin' hilarious, Kim! I am a huge fan of your photography, but I really want to repost your entire blog post here on FB. I hope YOU did, too. hehehe!
~Mary V

kirsten said... Best Blogger Tips

I want to repost this to my FB page, but now I'm afraid....

;)

Kim Hosey said... Best Blogger Tips

Nathaniel: Thanks.

Mary: I guess I did! It's not a REpost, so maybe it's OK? I'm so confused...

Kirsten: I think that's an acceptable use of repost. :-)

Thérèse said... Best Blogger Tips

Keep chasing bugs and and enjoying family and smart, independent and reasonable people...
Nice and strong statement here.

Christina Wilsdon said... Best Blogger Tips

OMG. Every day. Every single day. The flood of inspiration and calls to (in)action and frothy odes to joy makes me want to reach for the arsenic.

Carolyn Cummings said... Best Blogger Tips

EmoMcSad Pants is my favorite. Its just like a forward, which is just a chain letter! I think people would prefer my time, money, and resources as a donation to their cause over a meaningless internet post any day. But that's just what I think.

Kim (Sophisticated Dorkiness) said... Best Blogger Tips

Yes. I've started to liberally use the "Hide All from X" feature to keep people that are annoying out of my feed. It's amazing.

Agrigirl said... Best Blogger Tips

This is genius. Thank you. I am going to share it with many.

monstergirlee said... Best Blogger Tips

And this my friend, is why I do not miss Facebook. AT all.
Freakin' awesome. Loved it.

FireMom said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh crap. I just snorted coffee.

Genius. GENIUS.

theozarkian said... Best Blogger Tips

You wouldn't believe how many friends I've had to "hide". You are my FAVORITE antisocial nerd.

Erin said... Best Blogger Tips

Here from BlogHer to say:

I agree wholeheartedly! The status updates to "raise awareness" don't actually raise anything (except sometimes my blood pressure), the "I love my [X]" posts are just annoying - of course I love my kids/husband/dog/house/sister/cousin/whathaveyou. I just choose to express that love through actual action, instead of spreading it on Facebook.

And now there's a new one that's also starting to drive me insane. It's the "Go to your profile, look to your left and post the first 10 names you see." Where those names become The Kid, The Mom, The One Left Holding The Bag, and so on. UGH.

I will be sitting all of the above out, thank you very much. That may make me a party pooper, but I prefer to think of it as my little contribution to the world - I don't forward silly email threads and I don't pass along annoying Facebook memes.

Mama D said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you! This needs to be said, and perhaps copy and pasted on Facebook ;)

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

I almost didn't finish reading this because I have a massive bug phobia. And your banner is, well, full of them.

Now I'm glad I did, though. This is awesome. Couldn't of said it better myself. I'd share it with my Facebook friends/family but every stinking one of them would get offended by at least one of those.

Too funny!

Ramona Depares said... Best Blogger Tips

That's hilarious. So glad I'm not the only one suffering from the eye-rolling. Facebook seems too full of pseudo philosophers nowadays!!

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

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