- WARNING: I will get cancer from heating anything in the microwave.
- WARNING: Homosexuals, because they cannot reproduce, are out to "recruit" children via our public schools.
- I can increase the size of "that special male member." By up to two hundred percent!
- WARNING: Dora the Explorer is actually just a mouthpiece for propagandists to "Latinize" our society.
- Obama is counting on me.
- McCain is counting on me.
- A college political club whose table I once stopped at for two minutes in 2005 is "counting on the unique difference that YOU, [insert first name], can make come November." (I'm not kidding. This was the exact wording.)
- No, really. I can increase my size. Tonight!
- I've been missing out by neglecting to visit something called Girlz Camz.
- I can still find that Special Someone, even though I'm a single woman over 40.
(Well, at least the last one got my gender correct.)
Naturally I answered, "No, sweetie, I'm not working. What's up?"
"What happens when we die? Is there a heaven we can see, and is it like the Spirit World on Avatar?"
That's the thing about kids. You never wade into the deep end. You dive, head-first, and usually smash your skull a few times before swimming competently. But that's the thing I love the most too. There are so many times I've been thinking about some issue or other, and want to just broach the topic with someone. But with the possible exception of my mother, whose brain patterns, at least insofar as their irregularity and abruptness and things-connected-to-things, happily coincide with my own, no one is very receptive to my tendency to come out with "Sure, I'll pass the bread. Speaking of the death penalty..."
We're swimming now. It's tough. But it's pretty sweet.
And it's easier than answering the other question he asked: "Why do you have two e-mails with the word penis in uppercase letters?"
5 comments:
Strange, you seem to be missing out on all the wonderful 'financial' products that will have you swimming in money. Would you be interested in having me forward those wonderful mails to you? ;-)
I don't know about Avatar and the Spirit World, but if you ever want to learn anything about Taoism, I would recommend the "Tao of Pooh"... It's a fun read. ;-) (and no I'm not a Taoist)
Oh btw... I'm some creepy guy that randomly comments on blogs. (although today I was invited as a videographer at photo event and due to the fact that I didn't introduce myself immediately, I was considered 'creepy guy with a camera' for awhile) Yikes!
I've gotten the financial ones too, though I seem to have stemmed that tide to a trickle instead of a deluge. Did you hear, though? The people who get conned are apparently just as guilty as the scam artists.
I haven't ever read the Tao of Pooh, though I've heard of it. And I didn't figure you were creepy, no worries. :-) I'm still nervous to be that person with the camera, sometimes, so kudos for going for it anyway.
I'll have to read the Tao of Pooh, sounds fun. I just finished Deepak Chopra's bio on Buddha, it was a good read, but I don't feel any more or less enlightened about things than before. I don't think I'll ever be able to meditate, I can't go a minute without some stray thought going through my head.
Like even as I'm writing this, I'm thinking about the fact that Tom left his toenail (entire thing fell off after hanging on for weeks after he slammed it in the door) on the counter because his father told him to leave it for me to see. Why? Was it scrapbook worthy?
Just two penis emails? You're not working hard enough.
We go over death regularly. I don't like to talk about it.
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