Stuff I say, Part Deux

(Part un is here.)

Without context this time. It's not really necessary.

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Guys, that's gross. Quit licking each other's butts.

I am most definitely not a beat boxer.

Can we talk in a little bit? I really wanted to watch this, and you're not going to any more or less hurt five minutes from now.

Guys, I know it's not "nothing" when I hear a huge crash, followed by dripping and "don't say anything to Mom."

I put lotion on your butt too many times today already.

How about, just for five minutes, no talking?

Yes; I said you were being stupid. You claimed you weren't wearing pants just so you could argue. I'd say that qualifies.

Well, my favorite Bakugan is the one with six heads.

No. Not knowing how to classify igneous rocks based on silica content does not make someone "dumber than a butt." I can see why he called you a poophead.

Because it's not nice to say you're "way smarter" than someone, even if he does think Venus fly traps eat tigers.

That's better. You don't just go biting someone's head.

OK; I'm holding the tip. Now push it in there. Quickly!

Well of course I was a know-it-all. I'd already said five times we didn't want air conditioning service, and she said "tempeture." Tempeture? Come on. She was asking for it.

I'm sorry, but I draw the line at butthole on camera lens.

You're right; it can be tough to keep them humble. Your daughter and my son really are quite a bit smarter than ... Oh, look. They forgot where the front door is.

Hey! Quit licking my pie!

It works the same as anyone else's sphincter. ... Yes. The pink part. ...  You know what? I don't think he likes that. How about we leave his butt alone while he eats.

Your teacher was really interested to learn about tarantula hawks. Just not in the middle of a math lesson.