Me: David, you know I don't like when you grab my butt.
David: But you let DAD do it!
David: I wish I was an X-Man. I would be Nightcrawler, and I'd teleport to Chuck E. Cheese! Or, I'd have pizza power, where I could turn everything into pizza. Except I'd turn off the pizza power in my lips, so I could kiss you. And my butt, so the toilet isn't pizza. Maybe I could make a butt glove like Rogue has for her hands.
David: Mom, why do my eyes water after I hit myself in the head with the baseball bat? And when I hit the chair really hard with my face?
David: [Obnoxious bullcrap.]
Me: You need to cut it out right now. And don't make that ugly face at me!
David: BwaaaughWHAAA! You called me ugly!
Me: No, of course I didn't! I would never! I meant your attitude. I think you know that.
David: No, I don't! What attitude?
Me: I mean, you were sneering and growling and rolling your eyes and scrunching up your face pretending to cry. You were acting in an ugly fashion.
David: Like ugly clothes? Like that black shirt and pajama shorts you drop me off at school in?
David: [Different obnoxious bullcrap.]
Me: Would you please.
David: [Continues crapulous attitude.]
Me: You need to knock it off right now.
David: No thanks!
Me: Excuse me?
David: No thanks, please, Mom?
Then I dropped him off this morning. He sprinted back to me because he "forgot a couple of hugs and kisses," bellowed goodbye, and ran back to be mobbed by his friends. Loving Mom and being the popular class clown/smart kid. He's got it all down.
Also, butts are always funny. He's just sayin'.
5 comments:
:-) Love the new blog. Boogers. hehe
Ok, I loved this post and I made my friends go read it. They all said, "Butts are awesome." Also, your new design is SO COOL. Great that you're able to use your own photography for the design, too.
I love the new background, but I can't believe you left butts off of the title, it's another "b" word isn't it?
Ha; true. I imagine readers will see the word pop up enough; maybe putting it in the title would be overkill.
I woke up in the middle of last night with the cat marching on my butt (with claws!), woke up this morning to David poking it, and right now he's in the bathroom singing some song that includes the repeated line "Ohhhh, my poopdeck!" Maybe I'm just all butted out.
Oh, and thanks for the compliments on the new look, everyone. :-)
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