A conversation about/with my son recently:
His teacher: I think you might want to talk to your son. Some other students said he said a bad word.
Me: Which word was it?
Her: ???
Me: I mean, I'll talk to him no matter what. I just wondered which word it was so I might know where he picked it up.
(I didn't tell her I assumed it was "damn," owing to a "dammit-dammit-dammit" montage that had slipped past my and my husband's censoring remote control trigger fingers during prime time.)
Her: Well, I think it was ... (Here there was a pregnant pause, then whispering as if he'd committed manslaughter during arts and crafts. I love kindergarten teachers. They're the only people I know cleaner-mouthed than me.) ... shit. The students all said they heard him say the S word.
Me: Really? I have no idea where he would have picked up that word. (I really didn't.)
Her: (Skeptical, unbelieving evil eye.)
Later in the car:
Me: David, did you get in trouble for saying a word you shouldn't today?
Him: Yeah. I'm sorry. (Here he made the breathy, lip-flappy about-to-cry noise.)
Me: It's OK, as long as you learned not to say it anymore.
Him: Oh, I did! (Long, mucusy, relieved sniff.)
Me: Can you tell me what the word was?
Him: ...
Me: It's OK, if you're telling me to let me know it doesn't count as saying it.
Him: Well ... it was the S word.
Me: The S word? Do you know what that word means?
Him: It means someone's not very smart. But I only was talking about what someone did!
Me: Wait a minute. What exactly did you say?
Him: The S word! (More quietly): Stupid.
Me: Stupid?
Him: Yeah. And I'm sorry. I was only talking about what they did, and it was stupid because it was mean, and I know you told me it's different than calling somebody stupid, but at school we can't say it at all, and I forgot. But I won't say that or any of the other letter words any more.
Me: The other letter words?
Him: Yeah. The F word, the S word, the D word, the C word or the M word. (Getting into it now, clearly pleased with his free pass to say verboten words): We can't say freak, or stupid, or dumb, creep or moron.
Me: (Quietly reveling in the extreme privilege that is having a child who is still a child, and is likely to remain unaware of other forbidden F, S, D, C, and M words for quite some time): That's probably a good idea.
Him: But I heard one of the boys call a girl a poopface. I don't think we should say the P word either.
Me: I think you're right.
3 comments:
Your son never ceases to amaze. I had a bunch of people reading your blog for your last post, btw. You and your son are becoming quite popular. So did you tell the teacher what he really said?
I can't tell you how much David reminds me of Tom at that age! Once Tom told a teenager that his mom doesn't want him saying the 'f' word.....Then he whispered, "you know, fart"?
At 8 he still thinks the "s" word is stupid. Keep them innocent!
I was called by Tom's Kindergarten teacher once because he was shooting his finger at kids and there is a no tolerance gun policy at school. I didn't find it funny at the time, but 3 years later I guess it is. Kindergarten was a tough year, he couldn't breathe without doing something wrong.
Thanks for reading, Mary, and thanks to everyone else as well. I hope it's entertaining; it is to me, which is good for keeping my sanity, at any rate. I did tell the teacher the next day what the word was. She lectured me to make sure I still told him it wasn't OK.
David does sound a lot like Tommy. He doesn't usually get into too much trouble, except for talking out of turn (big surprise) and the fact that he has such a clear idea of what is right and wrong -- which is great, until he starts lecturing all the other students. We've definitely got another opinionated Hosey talker on our hands.
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